Saturday, January 8, 2011

Parent 1's Day and Parent 2's Day Just Aren't Going to Be the Same

The Obama administration, in their infinite audacity, have determined that the words Father and Mother are misleading and inappropriate and, to start, will no longer be used on passport applications. Instead, American sheeples who also are progenators soon will be instructed by the U.S. State Department to refer to ourselves as Parent 1s and Parent 2s, and our offspring will be instructed to refer to us by those terms too.

Obviously, father no longer means father and mother no longer means mother because, well, gay no longer means gay. Or something.

Now that, in the febrile imagination of the U.S. government, I've been dispossessed of my heretofore most honored and honorable descriptor, which, I now confess, has annually found its way scripted on greeting cards thus: "Happy Mother's Day," I find myself in a mood often shared by another parent:

Li'l Abner's Parent 2 Yokum

Fortunately, being female, (oops, didn't mean to mention that, Secretary of State Clinton), I share Parent 2 Yokum's desire for law, order, and decency, unlike:

The Surrogate Parent 1
I'm no saint, like:

Calcutta's Parent 2 Teresa
Boys Town's Parent 1 Flannigan


And I'm certainly not wealthy, like

Orphan Annie's Parent 1 Warbucks

Or artistically talented, like the painter

Grand Parent 2 Moses

Or courageous, like WWII flying ace
Parent 1 Boyington

But I do believe that kindergarten Parent 1's Day and Parent 2's Day pageants are just not going to be the same.


  1. Overwhelming the system.

  2. @Trestin - All too sadly true. There is no keeping up with it. One form becomes the model for others, no matter how ridiculous.

  3. Your kids kindergartens had "Parent 2's Day" pageants? I got shafted because "Parent 2's Day" falls in June after school let out.

  4. Did you realize that if Father was Parent 1 and Mother was Parent 2, then this implicitly denigrates Motherhood by calling them officially number 2?

    Sharia compliant indeed!


  5. @Chris - LOL. Here in central New York State, the elementary school calendar extends until the last week of June, but you're right. Parent 2s (glad you know your place ;) ) don't usually get pageants, but they do get crayon drawings!

  6. @EdWoods - True enough. There'll be some tussling over who gets that first-place slot, I'm sure. So perhaps the passport application form will need checked boxes to indicate to the State Department whether Parents 1 and 2 are male or female. Or is that not PC? I can't keep up!